Bullying conference draws packed house in Peabody

PEABODY – It happens in the classroom, the hallway, and more often these days, on the Internet.”Bullying is incredibly personal,” said Robert Treston, a civil rights counselor for the Anti-Defamation League and one of several speakers at Essex County District Attorney Jonathan Blodgett’s conference on bullying, cyberbullying and school violence, held Thursday at the Peabody Marriott.Although Massachusetts passed an anti-bullying law earlier this year, “There’s a big difference between passing a law and making changes,” said Treston.He noted that Massachusetts was one of the last states to adopt such legislation.Treston also cited as an example of bullying by electronic means this week’s suicide of a Rutger’s University student after images of him intimately involved with another man were streamed online by his roommate.Nancy Mullin, director of bullying prevention solutions for the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program, told the audience of more than 400 educators, social workers, police officers and other professionals that 20 percent of bullying happens in the classroom.She urged teachers to become more vigilant and increase supervision.Mullin said cyber-bullying through instant-messaging services, cell phone images, e-mailed threats and online stalking is on the rise.”While it may happen off campus, it is within the school’s purview to deal with it,” she said.Since emails can be saved, victims and investigators should find it easy to document offenses, she said.Keynote speaker Rosalind Wiseman, recognized as an expert on children, teens, parenting, social justice and ethical leadership, is the author of the book “Queen Bees and Wannabees,” which was the basis of the movie “Mean Girls.””Bullying is the use of superior strength or influence to intimidate someone,” she said. “The difference between conflict and bullying is the imbalance of power.”Wiseman explained that inside jokes, private clubs and secret languages are common ways younger children exclude or ridicule classmates. “That’s not play. That’s bullying,” she said.The author and national speaker has broken down the bullying scene into specific personalities and their respective roles, such as the Queen Bee and her male counterpart, the Mastermind, both of whom are charismatic and tend to set the ground rules for the other students.The Sidekick or, if male, the Muscle, aspire to become the Queen Bee or the Mastermind and may achieve that goal if socially intelligent. The Banker creates conflict, while the Wannabe or Messenger looks to gain recognition from the Queen Bee or Mastermind through observation and imitation of the group leaders.The Stuck and Silenced, also known as the Torn Bystander, wants to help the target of bullying but fears losing their position in the group.Finally, there is the Champion, who doesn’t exclude anyone and occasionally speaks up for the targets.”All of us need to have more champion moments,” Wiseman said.Wiseman also talked candidly about sexting and how the behavior can start early in life, often among girls. She offered the example of Fruit Cup Girl, who asks the boy sitting next to her on the bus for help in opening her fruit cup. The tactic gets the boy’s attention, as does sending revealing photographs of herself to a boy upon request in later years.Unfortunately, boys tend to e-mail such images to large circles of acquaintances, which then damages the girl’s reputation and social standing. According to Wise, when boys share these images, it increases their social status and also reinforces their own sense of heterosexuality.Sixteen-year-old Brigitte Berman of Dover, author of “Dorie Witt’s Guide to Surviving Bullies,” received a standing ovation for her speech. A victim of bullying, Berman was driven to share her story.Berman said she took a national survey of high school students and found that most had both bullied and were victims of bullying.”I found I wasn’t the only one,” she said.She added that the first step to ending bullyin