Grandparents come to the rescue

LYNN – When she was diagnosed with breast cancer a year after assuming responsibility for raising her toddler-age grandchildren, Dianne Thomas knew whom to turn to for help.The Lynn resident surrounded herself with neighbors and fellow members of a local support group for grandparents raising grandchildren.”They were here for me,” she said.The group of mostly women, with one or two grandfathers sprinkled in, meets Thursdays from 9:30 to 11:30 a.m. in the Gregg House on Broad Street. The grandparents chat and laugh over muffins and coffee. But serious, often heartbreaking, decisions underpin their reasons for attending the group.Like Thomas, every group member sets aside retirement, or other major life plans, to begin, for the second time in their lives, the cycle of parenting, with its joys and disappointments.In many cases, they became parents again to provide a home for grandchildren who had been living with parents who came to the attention of the state Department of Children and Families.”Domestic violence and substance abuse are the majority of reasons children come into our care,” said DCF social worker Meegan Simpson-Best.Simpson-Best attends the Thursday sessions to link grandparents with assistance offers from business such as Metropolitan Credit Union and Traditional Breads, and she encourages group members to share suggestions for dealing with challenges they face with the grandchildren.”If I have a problem, I get good help,” said Luz Salazar.Salazar took responsibility for raising her granddaughter three years ago when Angelina was four years old. In addition to shouldering tasks she handled as a much younger parent – doing homework, driving to appointments and feeding and caring for Angelina – Salazar also tries to broaden her granddaughter’s horizons by introducing her to music.”It’s hard. I’m lucky I am retired,” Salazar said.Paula Porcher of Lynn was working as a customer services worker four years ago when she began caring for her niece’s children, ages 3 and 5.”My schedule changed so drastically, I ended up quitting my job,” she said.She has since started driving buses part-time, and she joined the grandparenting group after some initial resistance.”That first day I came in, I was in tears,” she said. “There was such a bond.”Citing agency statistics, Simpson-Best said the number of children placed by DCF in “kinship care” arrangements that include grandparents has increased from 1 out of 4 children in 2010 to 1 out of 3 in 2014.Gregg House Director Kelly O’Connor said 25 children attending programs there are living with grandparents, compared to only four in 2012.Constance Hickerson quit graphic design school in 2012 to begin caring for her 9-month-old grandson and got a crash course in meeting the health needs and other demands that toddlers bring to parenting.”Some things are more important than school: I jumped right in,” she said.Vittoria Bagley, 73, discovered she had to adjust her old-fashioned attitudes over the years after she began caring in 1997 for her grandson and granddaughter. Today, Justin is in college and granddaughter Maria is very much in Bagley’s life.Retired gas worker Evelyn Lyttle’s grandson, Jacob, and the boy’s parents live with her, but Lyttle’s granddaughter lived with her last year and Lyttle had to dig into her energy reserves to keep up with the 3-year-old.”It was tough. Running around, bringing her to appointments wasn’t something I had done in years,” she said.Simpson-Best said the grandparents are raising money for a trip with the grandkids to Canobie Lake Park, and a Saugus support group may soon spin off from the Gregg House group.”We have a motto,” she said: “unite, empower, support.”