The other day, I went through the upcoming Patriots schedule with my friend Frankie to compare notes and do our usual predictions.
Frankie has them going 14-2. I’m a little less optimistic. I say 12-4. We’re probably both wildy delusional, because one of these years the Patriots are going to turn into the mid-1960s Yankees.
For those who weren’t alive back then (and I daresay that represents most of us), the Yankees won 14 American League pennants from 1949 through 1964 — missing only in 1954 and 1959 — and the World Series nine times.
Then the bottom fell out. All their key players got old. And by 1966 they were 10th out of 10 in the American League.
This is going to happen someday soon. Tom Brady will realize he’s 42 and Bill Belichick will decide he’s had enough. The Patriots will end up with the next Tony Eason calling signals and the next Rod Rust on the sidelines.
It’s coming.
But it won’t happen this year. I think they have one good year left. Plus, they’re blessed with a very manageable schedule.
So let’s go game by game and discuss.
Week 1: Home vs. Pittsburgh. This is a Sunday night game because the NFL wanted Bears-Packers to open its 100th season. I’m OK with that. It’s one of the oldest and best NFL rivalries (though Giants-Eagles is right up there too). On the other hand, going to Foxborough on a Thursday night, with the way the traffic is even on sleepy Sunday mornings, is a nightmare. More often than not, the Steelers end up being punching bags for the Patriots. This is no exception. 1-0.
Week 2: At Miami. Think of the worst team you’ve ever seen, on any level. Think of a group of 10-year-olds with their helmets falling down to their chins. Put them in Miami to play the Patriots. The kids would win. 1-1.
Week 3: Home vs. the J-E-T-S Jets, Jets, Jets. Yeah, Yeah, the Jets have Le’Veon Bell. Big Deal. They’re still the Jets. 2-1.
Week 4: At Buffalo. Flip the script from Week 2. Those 10-year-olds are on the Patriots. The Bills have the incarnation of the 1972 Dolphins. Doesn’t matter. 3-1.
Week 5: At Washington. Other than the fact that Swampscott’s Todd Kline works in the Redskins’ marketing department, is there anything remarkable about this team? Anyone? 4-1.
Week 6: Home vs. Giants. Yikes. That’s all. Yikes. Listen, Eli’s come and gone. He just doesn’t know it yet. 5-1.
Week 7: At Jets. It’s too bad they’ll be done with the Jets before it’s even Halloween. We could use a game against them in December. 6-1.
Week 8: Home vs. Cleveland. This game really intrigues me. I think the Browns will either be very good or they’ll crumble under the weight of their resurgence (for them) last season. They’re at that stage where it could go either way. But coming to Foxborough will be a tall order regardless. It might be a good game, though. 7-1
Week 9: At Baltimore. Ugh. It never seems to matter who the Ravens have on their team. John Harbaugh is one of the few coaches in the NFL who is not spooked by Belichick (appropriate word to use for a game three days after Halloween!). Since it’s down there, I have to go with my gut here. 7-2.
Week 10: Bye. They could be needing it after that Baltimore game. And apropos of nothing (miss you, Nick Cafardo), isn’t the second week in November kind of late in the season for a bye?
Week 11: At Philadelphia. I don’t like this game because the Eagles always seem to play the Patriots tough regardless of where it is, and who’s on the team. This will be a game between two good teams who plan on being there when it counts at the end. And it’ll be the game where the Patriots prove they can go on the road and win a tough one, too. 8-2.
Week 12: Home vs. Dallas. If my calculations are correct, the Patriots knock this bunch of frauds all the way back to their gazillion-dollar stadium, with their fraud owner’s tail tucked between his legs. 9-2.
Week 13: At Houston. Speaking of frauds … One of these years, the Texans will have to beat the Patriots. Until they do, they’re just another bunch of wannabes. It’s late enough in the season so that J.J. Watt will already be injured and done (did you see where he got on a kid’s bicycle and broke it?). I have a feeling, though, that the Texans are just good and sick and tired of losing to the Patriots. 9-3.
Week 14: Home vs. Kansas City. Patriots fans can be awfully greedy sometimes. The team gets on a roll and we think we can just clobber anybody. But I’m sure the Chiefs have long memories. They’ll be ready for this one. It’s circled on their calendar. And regardless of how many stupid decisions Andy Reid makes over the course of the game, the Chiefs win this one quite easily. 9-4.
Week 15: At Cincinnati. The Bungles are back. 10-4.
Week 16: Home vs. Buffalo. It’s Christmas week, and the Bills have been eliminated from anything meaningful since before Thanksgiving. 11-4.
Week 17: Home vs. Miami. The Dolphins are Supermen down there and lift weights with Kryptonite when they come up north. Be it ever thus. 12-4.
As for anything beyond, that’ll have to wait. But my general perception is that the Patriots will rise and fall on their defense and their running game. Brady will not be asked to be the weekly hero, but when called upon in meaningful situations, he’ll do what he’s always done.
And we all know what that is.
