“Are we going to make any New Year’s resolutions this year?” asked my lovely wife just before Christmas.
“I don’t know. We never seem to follow through,” I answered with indifference while stuffing a chocolate chip cookie into my mouth.
“I think we should exercise more and eat better. We’re not getting any younger,” she replied, nibbling on a carrot stick. “It’s time to lose some weight. We always overindulge over the holidays. Let’s start now. I want us to be healthy as we approach retirement.”
“I could always buy you a Peloton machine.”
“Fat chance buster. So, you’re saying I NEED an exercise bike. What about you, Mr. Adonis! We’re going to do this together, so, God willing, we can enjoy many more healthy years together.”
Each January, millions of Americans resolve to shed pounds and exercise more. Fewer than half succeed. Fueling our craving to be good are omnipresent TV commercials for Peloton, NordicTrack, Bowflex and Planet Fitness. Marie Osmond touts the benefits of NutriSystem and Oprah promotes WW, which used to be Weight Watchers (an unwise change by an established brand, IMHO).
Undeterred, way back on Dec. 9, with the best of intentions, we started a healthier lifestyle. That night, my wife ripped open two bags of Fresh Express Sunflower Crisp salad, which we sat down to eat while waiting for the “CBS Evening News” with Norah O’Donnell to begin. As we took the last bites from gigantic plastic bowls, O’Donnell reported that health officials determined that a Salinas, Calif.-based company’s salad kit was contaminated with E. coli and had sickened people in three states.
“Consumers should avoid Fresh Express Sunflower Crisp Chopped Salad Kits with expiration dates of up to and including Dec. 7, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced. Those salad kits will have a partial UPC of “0 71279 30906 4″ and lot code of Z,” reported O’Donnell. “Retail stores and restaurants shouldn’t sell or serve these kits. Consumers shouldn’t eat them.”
I ran to the trash bucket. Yup. The salad we just ate was from Salinas. The expiration date and lot code were on the “do not eat” list. There were four more bags in the fridge.
“It would have been healthier to eat our usual hot dogs, mayo-laced potato salad and pumpkin pie,” I thought.
Thankfully, we didn’t get sick. But many did, requiring hospitalization.
“I’ll return those to Market Basket, and get organic veggies and fruit,” countered my determined wife. “Assuming we’re still alive.”
My philosophy about eating is like my TV viewing habits: Why watch one episode of “The Crown” or one of those wonderful sugar-coated Hallmark Christmas movies when you can binge and gorge yourself on a huge batch while munching through a tub of cookies, a bag of chips or a sleeve of crackers.
We did splurge and overindulge on carbs and salt and fat — the three food groups — during the holidays. But we also have modified our diets. Last night, we enjoyed a supper of what my wife calls “squasage,” which consists of a butternut squash cut in half and four tiny less-than-healthy sausage patties. Thus far, I have resisted the temptation to add a whole stick of butter to the mushy squash.
Here we are seven days into the new year, and the missus and I are still “behaving ourselves.” She’s doing remarkably well and I’m … doing my best, despite waking up every morning to tantalizing dreams of sexy dancing/singing Oreos and Hershey Kisses.
We’re eating lots of homemade soups, salads, chicken, fish and pork, and avoiding pre-packaged romaine lettuce. Every now and then I’ll sneak a sweet treat.
“Everything in moderation,” insists my wife. “If we feel like a piece of chocolate, we should eat a piece of chocolate.” But if there’s chocolate in the house, I’ll eat the whole bag or bar.
We’re on the treadmill every morning, and during holiday vacation we cross-country skied, snowshoed and walked in the woods.
Now that I’m back to my old routine, filled with stressful deadlines and time constraints, the healthy lifestyle we’ve embraced will be more challenging. My wife is back to her 1999 weight and is committed and determined. Time will tell if I can resist the Cookie Monster, the Keebler elves and the Pillsbury Doughboy beckoning like sirens at sea trying to lure me onto the rocks of my diet.
