I’m so happy I was born a man, perfect in every way.
It must be pure hell to be a woman, or at least that’s the impression I get whenever I watch TV, bombarded with incessant commercials pointing out the average American woman’s many flaws. But all flaws are fixable, the advertisers promise, thanks to their beauty products, prescription drugs, exercise and weight loss programs, procedures that tuck tummies and suck the fat out of love handles. This serum or that concealer might just conquer the ravages of time.
A man can look like Jabba the Hutt and think he’s God’s gift. A woman can look like Charlize Theron and think she’s ugly. A man gets a pass if he uses deodorant, bathes a couple times a week and doesn’t smell like a wet golden retriever. Many women I know feel they must endure a daily ritual that involves wrestling with wrinkle-fighting face creams, anti-aging potions, juice cleansing detoxifications and lotions to tighten and smooth sagging skin.
Every night, I silently watch my confident, independent, beautiful wife examine her face, moving it ever-so-closer to the mirror, rubbing her fingers over the few perceived lines and creases no doubt caused by spending 30+ years with a newspaperman whose unpredictable schedule often interrupted holiday celebrations and weekend escapes. She has never worn much makeup. She still doesn’t. She has stopped coloring her hair. She’s comfortable in her own skin.
Nevertheless, for many women, especially young women, low-self esteem persists, despite body positivity movements that try to help them form realistic beliefs about their bodies. “It’s what’s inside that counts” is easy to say, but that’s difficult when the media focuses on a woman’s looks.
Nearly every story about Lizzo, a recent Grammy winner and a true talent, focuses on her weight rather than her music. And Adele’s recent weight loss drew consternation from the British tabloids, who wrote that the singer was sending the wrong message that one had to be thin to be happy. But no one mentions the fact that Guns n’ Roses’ frontman Axl Rose is the size of his tour bus as the band is about to hit the road again.
International Women’s Day is approaching, held on the 8th of March every year. It celebrates women’s achievements, raises awareness against bias and taking action for equality, and encouraging women to toot their own horns.
There is no mention of must-need beauty products like makeup, retinol face serums, vitamin C eye lifts, foundations, hair oils, hydrating detoxifying night masks, moisturizers to make skin glow, waxes, oils, lipsticks, lip colors, balms, mascara, eye shadows, stuff to plump up voluptuous lips, stuff to shrink eye bags, UV damage, softer, shinier and stronger hair, fragrances and eau de parfums, day cream, night cream, astringents …
And probiotics! Even women’s insides are deemed not good enough.
Even if an ailment affects both sexes, the TV ads always feature a hapless, befuddled woman eager to benefit from the power of Trulicity and Jardiance for Type 2 diabetes. Men, I guess, never have to deal with painful psoriasis (Humira), ulcerative colitis (Xeljanz), psoriatic arthritis (Otezla), the risk of stroke (Xarelto and Eliquis), heart failure (Entresto), allergies (Allegra-D), irritable bowel syndrome and chronic constipation (Linzess), bladder leakage (Myrbetriq, Depends), diarrhea (Motofen), gas and bloating (IBgard), depression (Trintellix). Women are always featured in Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig and Slimfast ads; no men are overweight I guess. Inogen portable oxygen tanks are stylish and smaller, perfect for a woman who dares to leave her home. Finishing Touch Flawless Legs hair-removal system (razor) features a young teen girl boasting about how easy it is for someone shaving for the first time.
I half expect to see a Cialis (erectile dysfunction) commercial featuring a woman.
This “woman is the inferior, subserviant sex” mentality is nothing new, of course. My mom, who graduated from Emerson College in 1951 but gave up career dreams when she married and had us three kids, had a unique way of addressing the subject.
She found an article, “The Good Wife’s Guide,” in a 1950s women’s magazine and called my sisters, then teenagers, to the kitchen table. “Pay attention girls. Someday you will meet a nice man, get married and want to take special care of him. This is what you’ll need to do to have a successful marriage.” She then read the preposterous piece, and the sounds of laughter coming from the kitchen shook the house.
A few of those tips:
Have dinner ready! Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.
Prepare yourself! Take 15 minutes to rest so that you are refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
Do not greet him with problems! Don’t complain when he is late for dinner. Count this as minor when compared to what he had to go through today. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
Make the evening his! He is special! Never complain that he does not take you out to dinner or to other pleasant entertainment. Remember that you relaxed all day waiting for his return. Now it’s his turn to enjoy what you enjoyed.
Obviously, it was written by a man or a satirist.
