The Brotherton family will not be traveling to celebrate our traditional Easter and Passover this year. It’s the first time in more than three decades we will not be together. Given the realities of the coronavirus pandemic, it’s foolhardy to drive to New Jersey and then face a 14-day quarantine when we return to Massachusetts.
For the past couple of weeks, my wife has been singing “Keep Your Distance,” a song by her favorite singer-songwriter, Richard Thompson, while washing hands, wiping down surfaces and playing Scrabble.
“I have been thinking of this song for the last few days … ‘Keep your Distance’ … Went for a walk today, brisk, but sunny. Hope everyone is hanging in there,” she said in an email to my sisters and brothers-in-law.
That gave my sister, Fay, an idea: “OK kids … here is a fun ‘assignment’ when you get bored over the next few days. Let’s start making a list of all of the songs that have titles or lyrics that are appropriate for these trying times.
“We should do a group call, and after we each have an adult beverage everyone has to state their songs and sing one bar? Fun? Saturday at 5:30? FaceTime? Let me know. xoxo Crazy Fayzie.” The person who correctly named the title and artist for the most songs would win a bottle of wine.
My wife and I had never used FaceTime, but it was installed on our iPad. So we three couples (Fay and Jonathan in Beverly, Pam and Jon in Westfield, N.J., and Alison and me in Danvers) enthusiastically made a date. We each compiled a list of songs; I printed out lyrics.
Saturday came. About 5:15 I opened a bottle of pinot noir, set up the iPad in the living room, got comfy on the couch, and we waited for the call.
Technological issues — the software on our vintage iPads wouldn’t connect all of us — got things off to a slow start. After about 30 minutes, we went to plan B: audio-only on our smartphones. Fay said it was a shame that we would not get to see her dance to “Pump it Up” by Elvis Costello while she lifted a huge commercial toilet paper roll in each hand.
We got to see each other briefly, but not all at the same time. We all made an effort to put together a pleasing and polished outfit and Pam took the time to apply a little makeup. It made me miss everyone even more. This emotional distancing is tough. Virtual hugs just aren’t enough.
Humor is how we Brothertons usually cope with tough situations. People react in different ways. When I mentioned I was going to write about our creative interaction everyone was afraid people would think it was in bad taste and that I was an uncaring fool. I assured them that many Item readers already consider me a humorless idiot.
For about an hour, cries of laughter and “that’s a good one” accompanied our singing a verse or two from a variety of “COVID-19 songs,” old and new: “Don’t Stand So Close to Me,” “Every Breath You Take,” “Hot Blooded,” “Cat Scratch Fever,” “Walk On By,” “I Will Survive,” “The Air That I Breathe,” both Peggy Lee’s and Bruce Springsteen’s “Fever,” “Rockin’ Pneumonia and the Boogie Woogie Flu,” “I Want a New Drug,” Hammer’s “You Can’t Touch This,” Dr. Dre’s “I Need a Doctor,” Bee Gees’ “Stayin’ Alive” and “Night Fever.”
This is where I should mention that Pam is a graduate of Salem State’s theater program and a professional singer. She has performed with the Metropolitan Opera in New York City and shared a stage with Pavarotti and other luminaries. Fay sings reasonably well. I won’t slight the rest of us, but if Bob Dylan, Leonard Cohen and Tom Waits can be called “singers,” then I guess I can be, too.
Pam was prepared, drawing from an endless list of appropriate Broadway show tunes: “Memory” from “Cats” (“Memory, all alone in the moonlight/I can dream of the old days, life was beautiful then”), “Seasons of Love” from “Rent” (“Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes/How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?”) and “Waving Through A Window” from “Dear Evan Hansen” (“I’m tap, tap, tapping on the glass/Waving through a window/I try to speak, but nobody can hear”). Pam briefly considered English translations of tragic opera arias, but decided instead on an alternative verse for “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”: “Through the years we all will be together/If the fates allow/But till then we’ll have to muddle through somehow/And have yourself a merry little Easter now.”
Fay’s choices were sentimental as well. Three Dog Night’s “One is the loneliest number.” The Beach Boys’ “Wouldn’t it be nice…to stay together, hold each other tight the whole night through.” The Beatles’ “A Day in the Life” (“I read the news today, oh boy!”) and “Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name/Nobody came/Father McKenzie/Wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave/No one was saved.” And lots of melancholy Moody Blues songs: “Dear Diary…what a day it’s been,” “My world will be forever autumn, cause you’re not here,” “Isn’t Life Strange … Lovely to see you again, my friend.”
We promised to do this again. We might use Zoom. An Easter Bonnet Parade or making of Easter bonnets were suggested. A virtual egg hunt? At any rate, we’ll insist Fay reprises her toilet paper dance, assuming she has some TP left.
Ironically, Sunday afternoon we watched Richard Thompson on Facebook Live, one of many musicians giving concerts from the comfort of their living rooms. Of course he sang “Keep Your Distance (“If I cross your path again/Who knows where/Who knows when/On some morning without number/On some highway without end/Don’t grasp my hand and say/”Fate has brought you here today”/Oh fate is only fooling with us, friend. Keep your distance, oh keep your distance.”
Take care everyone. Stay safe!
