LYNN — When her adult son, Mark, died of suicide in 2016, Evelyn Rezendes told almost no one his true cause of death.
Worried about what others might think, she and her husband, Al, suffered in silence for months, refusing to share their anguish with even close friends or family.
“When people asked, we would say he had a heart attack,” Evelyn said. “The year after he passed, it was just my husband and I. Even our families didn’t know what had happened to Mark.
“It was just really difficult to process, because when I say we were blindsided, we were blindsided. There were no warning signs or red flags. It was something very unexpected.”
Four years later, however, the Lynn couple say they feel a certain sense of relief in talking to others about their personal tragedy, finding that not only does it help them heal, but that doing so can do a world of good for families who have lost loved ones to suicide by opening up a conversation about a complex and gut-wrenching topic many struggle to comprehend.
“One day we just said, ‘we can’t remain silent any longer, because the longer we stay silent, the longer things will take to change,’” Evelyn said. “People need to have the conversation.”
In 2017, the Rezendes turned their sorrow into action, forming a team with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention as part of the organization’s national Out of the Darkness Walk.
Deciding to call their group 4 Mark — the “4” representing Mark’s four children — Evelyn said she and her small team were proud to raise over $2,500 dollars that first year to go towards research, educational programs, public policy advocacy, and support for survivors of suicide loss.
She added that once she opened up about what really happened to her son, the initial response from friends was a turning point in her grieving process.
“I just put it out on Facebook and said ‘this is what happened and this is what we’re doing,’” she said. “I didn’t know how people would react. I have to say we’re fortunate in the sense that we have a lot of support.”
For those currently struggling with depression, however, the Rezendes’s understand that 2020 has been a different story entirely.
In June, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention reported that symptoms of anxiety and depression have risen considerably among Americans, prompting concern that the ripple effects of the coronavirus pandemic is seriously affecting the mental health of millions.
In a time when so many are feeling the drain of long term isolation and stress, holding the walk felt especially vital, Evelyn said.
“When I heard they had canceled the walk, I said ‘the need is there more than ever,’ especially this year,” she said.
Deciding to hold a “socially-distanced” walk with friends and family in their own neighborhood, the couple met with supporters Saturday morning to walk around Flax Pond in memory of not only Mark, but two other friends’ children lost to suicide.
Despite the pandemic, Evelyn said her group still managed to raise over $5,000.
“Some people don’t want to talk about it because they’re embarrassed,” said Evelyn’s close friend, Denise Hanna. “(That’s) not the way to be. Be open and you can get through it better and get help. There’s so much more help out there now.”
Evelyn added: “It has been such a great comfort for us to be able to do something positive in Mark’s memory. Years ago when someone died of suicide, no one talked about it. They swept it under the rug. It was very taboo, you know, a lot of stigma attached to it.
“We can sit back and say nothing, but I think by doing that, I would feel we failed him. Doing this, it gives us comfort knowing that we’re making a difference.”
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 800-273-8255
