“You should add your pronouns to your Twitter profile,” my Generation Z daughter advised me a few months ago.
She already has her pronouns under her email signature on her college email address, and I’ve noticed correspondence from school officials also add their pronouns. So I did.
So what is this all about?
Essentially it’s about clarification, comfort, and inclusion.
Many of us, and I mean Baby Boomers, Generations X, Y, and some older millennials, think of gender as an ever-fixed mark, and you’re either male or female. Sure, there are some people who were born with both male and female organs or chromosomal variations between internal and external organs (the word is intersex now), but that is considered rare and what they were raised as was usually determined by which organs doctors and parents decided to keep and which to remove. People were squeamish about what were called transsexuals back when I was growing up, and being androgynous was either fetishized or ridiculed. Nonbinary wasn’t a term I grew up hearing.
Of course there have been people who didn’t fit into either category of male or female for centuries. History reveals many stories of women who lived as men and weren’t discovered until their death. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were also men who lived as women. “Cross-dressing” was considered shameful and embarrassing, or as part of a freak show.
But I’m hoping we’re evolving. And I don’t mean tuning into RuPaul’s Drag Race or knowing what LGBTQIA+ stands for (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer or Questioning, Intersex, Asexual, the plus can mean pansexual or gender fluid). I’m hoping we’re evolving to the point where we don’t roll our eyes and get offended if someone asks, what pronouns do you use?
Some people who are nonbinary, or just don’t want to fit into a small, stereotyped box, may choose the pronouns they and them instead of he/she, his/hers. Or they may choose some combination, he/they, she/them, for example.
The grammarian in me who grew up with the strict rules of singular and plural agreements for subjects and verbs cringes a little. I’ll get over it.
And before people get up in arms about having to declare what pronouns they use, I am reminded of the privilege of those of us who are cisgender. And yes, you can be a female, a person of color and still have privilege if your body matches what you consider your correct gender identity. And if you are heterosexual, you also have this privilege you probably haven’t even considered, much less acknowledged.
We all have some privilege (that which is mainstream, and thus considered the norm), whether it be race, sexual orientation, gender identity, physical ability, and/or religious. Some have more than others, but that’s because we don’t like confronting the caste systems inherent in all of our societies. We know who’s on top, but there are a lot of people, who because of gender identity, feel they are relegated to the bottom.
President Joe Biden took a big step this week in addressing the marginalization of people who don’t fit the cisgender mold. His executive action wiped out the former president’s ban on transgender people serving in the military. And GLAAD (Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) reported on Twitter that the @WhiteHouse website contact form now asks for your pronouns! Your choices: she/her, he/him, they/them, other, prefer not to answer.
It’s a small thing, and it’s a big thing. Not assuming how someone identifies themself is allowing all of us freedom to be ourselves. If you’re heterosexual, cisgender, this may be a “who cares?” moment for you.
But for many who struggle every day to be seen and heard, being included means being a part of the society that should want to include all gender identities, races, religions, ethnic groups, and the differences that make us all unique — and as such valued and valuable.
Cheryl Charles (she/her/hers) can be reached at [email protected].
