As long as sexual abuse exists, there will be misconceptions about what it entails, and part of the challenge in getting care to those who seek it is dealing with a public badly in need of education.
This is one of the main tasks of Ross Steinborn, site director of the YWCA of the Northeast Rape Crisis Center. The first thing people need to know, according to Steinborn, is how to differentiate sexual abuse from other forms of sexual violence.
“If you had the umbrella term of ‘sexual violence,’ underneath that would fall sexual assault, sexual abuse and sexual harassment,” said Steinborn.
He explained that sexual assault is often a one-time event, whereas sexual abuse is sustained.
“The victim sometimes fears speaking out, if they do speak, and so they’re kind of stuck in a situation where they’re experiencing multiple sexual assaults on an ongoing basis, often by the same abuser, but not always,” Steinborn explained.
The YWCA of the Northeast Rape Crisis Center contends with sexual violence in its many ugly forms, and works with other supportive organizations to connect survivors to resources. One such organization is Healing Abuse Working for Change, or HAWC, a domestic-violence agency operating out of Salem.
“Sexual abuse is a very high-risk indicator in domestic violence,” said HAWC Executive Director Sarah Stanley, who quoted a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) statistic stating nearly one in two women and one in five men will experience some sort of sexual violence during their lives. “That’s a huge, huge swath of our community. It’s very serious and we need to pay attention to it as a public-health crisis.”
Stanley’s work has provided her an intimate awareness of the misconceptions around sexual abuse; she also noted that sexual abuse is a form of domestic violence often, but not exclusively, found in “intimate partner settings.” But, she cautioned, it is not a one-size-fits-all phenomenon.
“When we talk about sexual abuse, there’s obviously rape and and sexual assault, but there are other forms of sexual abuse that might be something like making someone watch pornography or forcing someone to take explicit photos,” she explained, adding, “There’s a huge misconception and cultural norm that says because you’re dating someone or married to someone does not mean that there’s a blanket consent for any kind of sexual activity.”
HAWC serves 23 cities and towns in Essex County via one-on-one advocacy that can include “safety planning, support in applying for public benefits, and support groups,” according to Stanley. There are also services for children who have witnessed domestic violence; an emergency shelter for high-risk situations; a confidential hotline; and services for men, women, and nonbinary individuals.
HAWC also coordinates with local police departments dealing with domestic violence and sex-abuse cases ― Swampscott Police Detective Ted Delano, the force’s family-services officer, frequently refers individuals to HAWC in addition to pursuing action against abusers, like investigating cases and helping to procure restraining orders through the Lynn District Court. Delano added that he, too, saw how misconceptions around sexual abuse factored into his work.
“Back when I first started doing the family-services stuff like 21 years ago, there were predominantly resources for women,” Delano said. “But it’s not just women who experience this stuff; there’s men, too.”
While little has changed materially in how sexual abusers operate, attitudes are changing within society, according to Steinborn. He observed certain misconceptions becoming dismantled over the course of his seven years at the Rape Crisis Center, especially while running educational initiatives with students.
“When I first started, I think that our (YWCA’s) thought was consent was the end game; if we could get students and people just to understand consent, then the sexual violence would be no more, and research started to show that that’s not the case ― there is a communication that needs to go on more than consent,” he said. “It’s kind of cool that we can start having conversations like that now because students are at least grasping the concept of consent, if not starting to think through some of the nuances in more critical ways.”
Education is a key responsibility for Steinborn, Stanley, and Delano. In Delano’s case, educating young people can help deter them from engaging in sexual violence or abusive behavior as adults.
“Young kids sometimes have trouble understanding it, but I think we owe it to the young kids to make sure that they’re able to absorb the legalities of teen-dating violence,” he said. “You have to try to slow things down for them and deescalate the situation and have them understand they will be held responsible and they’re no different than anyone else.”
HAWC also uses education as a tactic to both challenge misconceptions and minimize harm, working in partnership with the YWCA on outreach initiatives.
“Something that we work very hard on in our youth-education work is teaching young people about healthy relationships and helping them understand that consent can be given and withdrawn at every single interaction,” Stanley said. “Education is a really huge piece of that. It’s a lot about building trust so that they can disclose what’s happening to them and then validating and empowering them to say: ‘If this is not what you want, you have the right to say no. And if your partner cannot comply with your boundaries or will not comply with your boundaries, then that’s abuse.'”
While educators continue to challenge the stigmas of sexual abuse ― and legislators fight for an expanded and updated sexual-health curriculum in schools ― Stanley believes one of the greatest educational efforts should go to family and friends of those experiencing sexual abuse. In an ideal world, the antidote for shame and stigma comes from a survivor’s loved ones, and that is the educators’ ultimate goal.
“One of the most common tactics in domestic abuse is to isolate; someone who uses abusive tactics will try to isolate that person from other support networks,” she said. “When you see that happening, that should be a red flag. If you have a friend, coworker, or family member who starts to withdraw, it’s always important to leave that door open so that they can disclose. Just leaving that door open is so critical.”
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence or ongoing abuse at home, HAWC’s free, confidential, 24-hour hotline can be accessed at 1-800-547-1649.
Former Item writer and editor Madison Bethune also contributed to this story.
