BIll Gates bought 2,100 acres of farmland in North Dakota on June 30, leading me to idly speculate over a fictional scenario in which Gates, Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos gather to contemplate buying 1,280 acres in South Dakota familiar to most Americans as Mount Rushmore.
I see them converging on a remote landing strip and sipping cocktails in the Western twilight as the horizon turns cobalt blue. Gates kicks off the conversation with, “Guys, it’s time to spend a few billion and break out the jackhammers.”
Musk looks confused and a little annoyed, so Gates says, “Elon, give me a famous George Washington quote.”
“‘I cannot tell a lie,'” answers Musk.
“How about Abraham Lincoln?”
“‘House divided cannot stand.'”
“Teddy Roosevelt?”
“‘Walk softly and carry a big stick.'”
“Give me a John D. Rockefeller quote,” Gates asks.
Musk doesn’t answer, but Bezos pipes up: “Henry Ford: ‘Any color as long as it’s black.'”
“I’ll give you that one, Jeff, but I think you see my point: We’ve changed the way the world shops, communicates, and drives. But no one is going to remember our names in 100 years.”
“Speak for yourself,” says Musk, “I’m going to have ‘Musk’ carved on the lunar surface in letters big enough to be visible from Earth.”
Gates ignores him and says: “We learned their famous quotes in grade school, but politics is a dirty word in America, and politicians are despised. No one trusts them. No one looks up to them and good old George, Abe, Teddy, and their buddy, Thomas Jefferson, are even getting a bad name.”
“Teddy Roosevelt?” says Musk, “He kicked butt and didn’t care what people thought about him. That’s my kind of president.”
“Sure, but he’s also the guy credited for expansionist American foreign policy that brought us nothing but trouble for a hundred years,” says Gates.
“Jefferson and Washington were unapologetic slave owners and Washington wasn’t even that great of a general,” chimes in Bezos.
“Let’s face it: Abe’s reputation as the president who freed the slaves has taken more than a few hits in recent year,” adds Gates.
“So what’s your point?” demands Musk.
Gates sets down his drink and says, “Elon, People aren’t impressed anymore about what four guys did 150, 250 years ago. They are impressed when a package lands on their porch 20 minutes after they order a product. They are impressed by a guy who toys with buying Twitter the way most people contemplate buying a boat or a vacation home.”
Musk laughs and looks at Bezos. “So who do we erase and who do we keep?”
“Well, Washington is the father of our country,” Bezos replies.
“Lincoln preserved the Union,” Gates added.
“And what? Teddy and Tom are chopped liver?” Musk half shouts.
“OK, George stays. The others go,” says Gates.
“Fine. What order are we going in?” Bezos asks.
“Huh?” says Musk.
“If George stays, I get to be next to him,” Bezos says.
“Not so fast,” says Gates, “I made my first billions when most people still thought Amazon was a jungle in South America.”
“I’ve got the most distinctive face,” counters Musk, “Most people couldn’t pick you guys out of a line-up.”
“We’ll settle it this way: The guy who kicks in the most money to buy the land and pay for the carving gets his face next to George,” says Bezos.
“That’s gonna be a problem,” sighs Musk, “Soon as Zuckerberg gets wind of this, he’s going to want to be up there too.”
