I experienced what it feels like to be the only woman in the room in a professional setting for the first time at the age of 22. I consider myself lucky that it took 22 years for that to happen.
It was my second day working at Essex Media Group. In the first week of working at a new place, you are already so nervous. Everything around you is foreign. And then a staff meeting is called and you look around and realize you’re alone.
Not literally alone — to your left, right, and in front of you — sits a man. But figuratively, when you’re the only woman in the room, you are alone.
On my way home from work that second day, I went from feeling alone to feeling angry.
I go through my life dealing with things that my male colleagues would not even be able to comprehend.
I commute an hour to work using public transportation. I have pepper spray in my pocket, I wear neutral-colored clothes so as to not draw attention to myself, and every time someone new steps onto the train or bus I catalog them to determine if they could be a potential risk to my safety.
I do all of these things because I know at any moment I could be sexually harassed or assaulted. And this is far from an over-reaction or paranoia. According to the CDC, one in three women experience sexual harassment in a public space.
Everywhere women go, we are at risk. We’re told to avoid walking alone at night and warned to never turn our headphones to noise cancellation even if it is daytime. If we are on a date, we share our location with a friend. We are told to wear layers so that if we are about to be assaulted it will take the attacker longer to remove our clothes and give us more time to get away.
When I am on the bus alone with five men and no women in sight, I am scared.
But I never thought I would feel the way I do in public at work. It was naive of me, I know. After three and half months of working at EMG I am still usually the only woman in meetings. It’s no one’s fault that I am the only full-time female reporter, it just happened that when there were openings mainly men applied.
And after these past three and a half months, that loneliness I felt at the beginning has begun to subside. Thankfully, every now and then one of the part-time female reporters or a woman from the design team joins in on meetings.
I am also grateful to say that the men I work most closely with are among the good men of this world. Some have even become good friends of mine. But during my first days here I felt so isolated. I felt so isolated that I could barely speak.
I didn’t know how much I needed another woman in the room until I didn’t have one.
So on this International Women’s Day I want to say a special thank you to Emma Fringuelli, Libby O’Neill, Emilia Sun, Alyssa Cantwell, Anne Marie Tobin, Allysha Dunnigan, and Alexandra Rodriguez for being my other women in the room.
