Those who read my columns might know that I am originally from Kansas City, Mo., and therefore a Chiefs fan, but you may be surprised to learn that I am also a lifelong supporter of the Sacramento Kings.
Before they were the Sacramento Kings, they were the Kansas City Kings. The team moved in 1985, which was long before I entered the world, but recent enough for my parents to be cemented as Kings fans.
More than a decade later, my family moved to Sacramento when my dad got a new job. We joked that we moved specifically to follow the Kings, only for them to be bad for pretty much my entire childhood.
When I first moved to New England, I was awestruck by the sports fans here. You are so confident in your teams and have the championships to back it up. However, it’s recently come to my attention that Patriots fans could use some tips from a professional on how to back a losing team.
- The first tip applies only if you are attending the game in person. If the team is behind past halftime, leave your seat and sample every snack the stadium has to offer. Rank them.
- Become really invested in the team mascot. The Kings have Slamson, a.k.a. Felinus Entertanus Maximus. According to the NBA, he was acquired by Kings scouts while taking a cat nap under a tree in Capitol Park, Sacramento.
- Rally around your good players. For example, Kings fans’ favorite phrase from 2009 to 2013 was “Thank heavens for Tyreke Evans,” despite the team’s highest win percentage during that era being 34%.
- Create your own superstitions and then blame the team’s poor performance on them. It’s more fun when you believe your team missed a field goal because you didn’t do a dance than because of its lackluster roster.
- Get really excited about new draft picks. Warning: sometimes they end up like Jimmer Fredette, but we loved him for the first couple of months.
- Start lots of arguments about sports history. Who cares if you’re 2-5 if you once had the greatest player or coach of all time? It helps when your team history includes Tom Brady and Bill Belichick.
- Watch the coaches and discuss them just as much as the players. The Kings had seven coaches in 10 years and fans found a way to blame each one.
- Analyze your team’s owner and see if you can blame them as well. You probably can. Really only Packers fans can’t use this one.
- If all else fails, stop watching the games and instead root for the construction of a new stadium. In Sacramento, we built the Golden One Center. It has a beam. Slamson lights it. It’s pretty fun. I’m sure New England could come up with a similar gimmick.
- Remember it’s better to be a losing franchise than a mediocre one! Fantasize about your high picks in the next draft. Remember your history: being really bad leads to being really good. Mediocrity only sets you up for more mediocrity.
Rachel Barber is The Item’s news editor. Her column appears every Thursday.
