No, Gayla Peevey, I don’t want a hippopotamus.
No, Kenny Chesney, I don’t want a real good tan.
And, no, Mariah Carey, I don’t even want you.
This time around, I want a less heartbreaking year of Boston sports.
Sorry, apparently I enjoy songs in which artists sing what they want for Christmas.
OK. Back to the point.
In 2023, the record-breaking Bruins (65 regular-season wins) lost in the first round of the playoffs against the lowly Florida Panthers, and former head coach Bruce Cassidy won the Stanley Cup with Las Vegas a month later.
Oh. Legends Patrice Bergeron and David Krejci retired, too, and that elimination game against Florida was on home ice.
Good times, right?
The Celtics were just one win away from the NBA Championship – against a Denver Nuggets team they probably would’ve beaten – but saw their franchise player, Jayson Tatum, get injured in Game 7 against Miami.
Did I mention that was a home game, too?
The Red Sox lost more games than they won, fired their Chief Baseball Officer, traded (arguably) their best pitcher of the last decade in Chris Sale, saw former pitcher Nathan Eovaldi win a World Series with Texas, and watched Mookie Betts hit .307 with 39 home runs and 107 RBI for the Dodgers.
The Patriots’ starting quarterback (Mac, who I’m referring to) threw more interceptions than touchdowns, receivers or running backs never recorded 100 yards in a game, and game tickets were as low as $5 prior to a game against the Chargers.
What a disaster.
All right. Since prime Tom Brady, Paul Pierce, David Ortiz, and Zdeno Chara can’t save us, where do we go from here?
Not to sound like one of those annoying, over-the-top optimists, but things are looking good.
The Bruins have the league’s premier goal-scorer in David Pastrnak (I’ll argue that with any Matthews or Ovechkin fans out there), a top-five league defenseman in Charlie McAvoy, and are in fourth place across both conferences.
Now, look, the elephant in the room is: What if last season repeats itself?
I know we’re without guys like Bergeron, Hall, and Bertuzzi, but there are some upsides.
We’re a lot faster now, rookie Matthew Poitras has added a new element of creativity, and Marchand hasn’t gone on a scoring drought like last season. We’re also not runaway favorites, so if we do suffer elimination, it won’t be half as heartbreaking.
Dribbling over to the hardwood, if you watched the Christmas Day game against the Lakers, you know the Celtics are pretty good at this thing called basketball.
The Green are currently in first place, have a top-five player in Jayson Tatum, and 2023 came with new presents in Kristaps Porzingis and Jrue Holiday.
We are – quite easily – the favorites to win it all this year. I’d say don’t quote me on that, but that’s kind of impossible.
The Celtics are the team we should be worried about least here, so let’s move on.
Oh, the Patriots, who actually looked pretty good against Denver, am I right?
But, let’s be real, this is all about the draft. So far, LSU quarterback Jayden Daniels has been making his way through the rumor mill, and, boy, would that be fun to get someone as electrifying as him.
As far as coaching goes, a legend in Bill Belichick will stay, or we’ll get a new, young, wide-eyed coach who will be fun to root for.
Red Sox, I’m not going to lie, you haven’t made many moves, but keep developing, suffer the growing pains of that promising youth, and avoid the Dodgers as much as you can.
To 2024, I know us Boston fans are spoiled, but can this year come with a new trophy or two?
