Stuart Foster:
I lived in Beirut, Lebanon when most of the people in my hometown were getting their driver’s licenses, and I didn’t get mine until the summer after I graduated high school. I spent the next six years barely driving while I was in college and grad school, but when I was finally done with school I struggled finding work as a journalist during the pandemic. I ended up working as a personal-vehicle driver for UPS around Christmas. It was by driving through barely paved streets after blizzards and parallel parking with bad visibility in Lawrence that I went from a competent driver into a genuinely good one.
When Emilia asked me if I could help her learn how to drive, she had already failed the test a few times. The first time she drove around in my car, I saw why right away. She was extremely nervous. She drove as slowly as possible, and when she turned it took so long that I was worried we would get hit. It’s understandable why she was scared. Driving is the most dangerous thing that is a part of our everyday lives. You can do it perfectly, and that won’t make a difference if some idiot T-bones you out of nowhere. When you’ve been doing it for a while you don’t really think about this, but for new drivers it is frightening that one wrong decision can be fatal.
I decided that she needed to feel more confident behind the wheel before we went on the road, so I had her pull into an empty parking lot. I told her to just drive in a circle around the lot, practicing turning and getting familiar with my car. It was repetitive, but her anxiety around driving started going away. After about half an hour, she was ready to go on the road again. The parking lot she pulled out of was on the Lynnway, and I feel like if you can drive there you can pretty much drive anywhere on the planet. A lot of people tailgated and passed us, but she was clearly improving.
My strategy in teaching her was mostly just trying to make driving as natural for her as possible. During the lessons, we would drive to grocery stores a lot, a destination she would be driving to all the time after getting her license. I also wanted her to get practice with the things that intimidated her, like driving on rotaries. After a couple of lessons, she had become a lot more comfortable behind the wheel. But by the time the exam was approaching, I realized that I had focused too much on the big picture — turning Emilia into a natural driver — and not enough on the immediate goal — having her pass the test. She still wasn’t confident parallel parking, and though I tried to focus more on it in the weeks before the test, it wasn’t enough.
When I heard that she failed the test again, I really hated myself that day. I just kept blaming myself and thinking I was useless because after all this time, she still didn’t have her license. I felt so terrible because Emilia is a mother, and I was worried that one day she might be in a situation where she really needs the license to help her daughter. But at the same time, at this point I had invested so much time in teaching her how to drive that it felt like I had failed as well. A part of me is self-conscious that I didn’t really start driving until so much later than my peers, and I thought that by teaching Emilia, I could show to myself that I am a good driver.
But in the real world, you can’t just keep blaming yourself. It doesn’t do anything. Eventually, you have to deal with your problems. We started doing the lessons again. This time, we are doing a lot of practice for the things that are going to be on the test, and I’m going to make sure when she actually takes it, she can parallel park with ease. But we are still doing the everyday trips for things like groceries. In this state, a lot of people stop being good drivers as soon as they get their license. But passing the exam is less important than everything that comes after it, and I want to make sure Emilia is prepared for that.
Emilia Sun:
I failed my road test five times. Yes, five.
After the first time I failed (I forgot to bring the hand brake down), I knew I should practice more and not be too nervous.
After the second time I failed, I believed it was because I wasn’t familiar with the area where I took the exam, which is why I drove too slow while turning. Actually, it was because I was not confident enough with the act of turning itself.
But after the third time I failed, I thought I should buy a lucky necklace with some magic stone.
And that didn’t work either, I was still failing the test.
Stuart started helping me practice after the second time I failed the test. I still didn’t do very well, but it doesn’t mean he is a bad teacher. I remember there was a time when I had to make a turn on the Lynnway, but I turned too wide and got stuck in the middle of the road. Thankfully, Stuart was there and instructed me out of that situation with patience and controlled the mess. I always feel confident when he is sitting next to me while I am driving. But during the test, there is an examiner sitting next to you and evaluating your skills, and it can be very stressful for new drivers.
I got upset whenever I failed the exam, but I don’t consider it a bad thing. I want to be very well-prepared to get on the road so I can drive as safely as possible.
But I do feel it is very inconvenient living without a car. Grocery shopping or visiting friends can make me feel exhausted, as I have to spend an hour to arrive at my destination and carry many things with me while traveling. It somehow made it less fun to see a friend because the pressure of making the hour-long train to go back home was hanging over my visit. It also limited my choice of renting, so I had to live within walking distance of The Item’s office. It would be a challenge for me and my daughter if it took me an hour to get to the office in the morning, and both of us would have to get up at 6 a.m.
Well, I am taking another road test on July 24, and hopefully I will pass it this time. My daughter is looking forward to a tour of the Franklin Zoo, which is where I will take her when I get my license. And I always appreciate my friend Stuart. I don’t have many friends willing to take the challenge of patiently teaching a new driver. Thanks for always supporting me. Hopefully, I can graduate from your driving course this month.
