To the editor:
The people have spoken. Whether you like it or not, Donald Trump will be our next president.
Before I get started, there are a few things to discuss, such as the Trump sales. The Trump Bible — yes, it’s true. Now, don’t get all excited. Initially, 122,000 copies were printed, but now that he’s been elected, the presses in China will be working 24/7 to fill all the incoming orders.
Let’s not forget how he spoke about China during his first term. Now he’s reached out to China, and they’ve made a deal that costs him $3 per copy. They retail for $59.99 each, and if you want a signed copy, you can get it for the special price of $1,000. Yes, not to worry, it has his picture on the cover.
You may order online or call the toll-free number. Operators are standing by. You will be asked if you’re interested in other products, and if you get the bundle, you qualify for free shipping!
Rumor has it that, to save on freight charges, these were shipped via balloon — not to be confused with Chinese spy balloons. These were carefully marked with Trump’s picture so the military won’t, well, you know.
Other items for sale include his coins, a red pail and blue beach ball, grill set, mug (no, not his mug shot!), canvas tote, gold bar kitchen towel, and cuff links. Stay tuned for the Christmas edition.
There may be a new holiday in the coming months, Jan. 6, which might be celebrated as a “Day of Love.” Different venues around the country will be offering gatherings called “A Love Fest,” although not as large as the Madison Square Garden Love Fest.
Just to highlight a few points:
Once he’s sworn in, he will be a dictator for one day. The southern border will be closed. In Springfield, Ohio, all Haitian immigrants will be deported, and all undocumented immigrants who crossed the border — such as rapists, drug dealers, and murderers — will be rounded up and sent back. He did not mention law-abiding people.
Women will be protected, whether they like it or not. This includes all cats and dogs.
He will pardon some of the “patriots” who stormed the Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021, and will also “root out the enemy within.” He promises to end the war in Ukraine in one day.
Other promises include massive tax cuts, ending inflation, lowering prices, drilling for oil, and imposing tariffs on most countries.
Well, there’s more, but you get the message. For those who prefer, feel free to sing along or take out the old recording.
HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN!
P.S. Lawmakers who haven’t been fans of Trump: If you haven’t received notice that you’re on the “enemy within” list, you’re most likely in the clear. Worst case, you may be asked to help clean the grounds at Mar-a-Lago.
You may now come out of your hiding place — vacation homes, yachts, tents, or wherever you may be.
L. Robert Nadeau
Lynn
