Dale Stanten
There is no denying that America is lonely. In May 2023, Dr. Vivek Murthy, the U.S. surgeon general, declared loneliness a public health crisis in an 82-page report titled Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation. Surprisingly, one of the key findings stated that young adults are even lonelier than the elderly. America is, by any historical standard, unimaginably rich and powerful, but we seem to have lost what matters most: community and interaction with one another.
The lack of social connection creates many health risks, including susceptibility to premature death, heart disease, stroke, obesity, anxiety, depression, dementia, respiratory illness, viruses, and other pernicious ills such as violence and addiction. Experiencing isolation often brings with it sadness, withdrawal, and shame, which can impact our health as negatively as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
In July 2024, The Boston Globe highlighted a creative solution to this public health crisis. Developed by psychiatry professor Dixon Chibanda in Zimbabwe, where clinical mental health services are scarce, he made it his mission to combat isolation. He was ultimately awarded a $150,000 prize by the U.S.-based McNulty Foundation for launching a program called the Friendship Bench. At its core was the Zimbabwean tradition of placing older people, considered custodians of local culture and wisdom, at the center of mental health therapy.
Chibanda’s team trained older women, called “Grandmothers,” in problem-solving therapy, using language and techniques to help people feel heard, that they belong, and to be confident in finding their own solutions to problems. They provided their services in a simple, unpretentious, and accessible location — the common park bench. Benches were placed in “quiet, discreet corners of community clinics, and in some churches, poor neighborhoods, and at a university.” A “Grandmother” would then patiently sit on the bench, “ready to listen and engage in a one-on-one conversation.”
Solutions to loneliness and social isolation in first-world countries unfortunately do not always focus on high-quality human interactions like the one in Zimbabwe. We have come to think of social media as keeping in touch, but it can prevent healthy and meaningful dialogue. Reliance on technology can amount to talking past each other, trying to garner more likes, listening to something on earbuds, or looking at cellphones or laptops. We seem to have forgotten how to talk openly, honestly, and respectfully, and our capacity for dialogue has broken down as a result.
Similarly, the American workplace has become more faceless. Office chitchat was once an incubator for new ideas, but now there is less opportunity for personal interaction. Ideas were once exchanged at the water cooler or by casually walking into someone’s office unannounced. Today, many workers have been forced to rely on the virtual world.
The question is: How do we combat chronic loneliness? Experience gained from a lifetime of struggles and challenges has led me to recommend the following:
- Do a relationship audit. Don’t wait to discover that you lack a good-quality social network. Studies suggest that most people benefit from having a minimum of four to six relationships (not 300 likes). The variety and quality matter more than the quantity.
- Make new friends. Join art classes, sports teams, support groups, or volunteer opportunities. Place yourself where real people come together.
- Cut back on social media. Ask a friend or family member to go on a walk instead of corresponding online.
- Help other people. Offer support, advice, or a helping hand. Reach out to others. We repair the world through kindness!
- Do not give up. Do not wallow in your own loneliness. If people ignore or reject you, keep trying.
- Seek positivity. If your usual contacts feed your misery, seek new friends and find individuals who are uplifting. Connecting with upbeat people strengthens us.
- Practice gratitude. Journal your thoughts and feelings by writing a gratitude letter outlining all the things you love about yourself.
Other suggestions to try:
- Play music.
- Talk about isolation and loneliness with others.
- Get creative.
- Turn to pets.
- Remind yourself loneliness isn’t permanent.
Dale has been a Swampscott resident for 55 years. While raising her young family, she obtained her RN degree and practiced psychiatric nursing. She parlayed her medical and extensive sales experience to become CEO of her Destination Management Company, which for 20 years organized conventions, corporate events, and meetings for national and international guests. Dale conducted numerous educational seminars and assisted in developing a tourism college degree program. She authored her memoir The Hooker’s Daughter: A Boston Family’s Saga and encourages others to rise above their circumstances, no matter how difficult.
