So here we are, in week whatever-it-is of the Great Trash Strike of 2025. The streets smell like low tide, the seagulls have started unionizing, and my compost bin is giving off a sentient vibe.
Meanwhile, I find out that none other than Bill Gates, yes, that Bill Gates, is a major shareholder in Republic Services, the very same company not picking up my trash.
Six Massachusetts communities — Beverly, Canton, Danvers, Gloucester, Malden, Peabody — have jointly filed a complaint in Salem Superior Court seeking injunctive relief to mitigate the public health issues arising from the strike.
The Peabody City Council is undertaking additional measures by formally requesting Bill Gates’ intervention.
In a letter, the council wrote, “We respectfully urge you to utilize your influence as the principal of Cascade Investment, LLC, a significant shareholder of Republic Services, to undertake immediate and constructive action.”
I guess it’s poetic in a twisted, late-capitalist kind of way. I’m sweating over whether to double-bag a container of yogurt from 2021, and Gates is probably checking his dividend statements from his lake-sized bathtub filled with ethically-sourced eucalyptus oil. I can’t confirm that last part, but it feels right.
Peabody City Councilor David Gamache seemed to read my mind during his statement when he said, “I am uncertain if he is even aware of the situation. He is a proponent of environmental causes, contributes billions of dollars to various initiatives, and this constitutes a substantial issue.”
Now, don’t get me wrong, I admire Gates. Smart guy. Built a tech empire, invented Clippy (never forget), and now he’s into farmland, vaccines, climate tech, and apparently… garbage?
I suppose I should’ve known. Trash is the perfect investment — people never stop producing it.
Especially not around here, where every curb looks like a sad, forgotten float from a parade celebrating bad decisions.
And while the workers fight for fair wages and better conditions, I can’t help but picture Bill checking his phone, sipping a green juice made from kale grown on a farm he also owns, getting a notification: “Republic Services stock up 0.6%.”
Must be nice.
Meanwhile, I’m strategizing a midnight run to sneak a bag of trash into my neighbor’s barrel. (Don’t judge me. You’ve thought about it too.)
Honestly, I have to admire the hustle. If you can’t clean up the world, you might as well profit while it decays.
So, Mr. Gates, if you’re reading this — and let’s face it, he probably has an algorithm scanning all mentions of his name — how about you toss a few of those Republic Services dividends toward resolving this mess?
Or, at the very least, send a garbage truck to my street.
Preferably one with a flamethrower attachment.
Until then, I’ll be over here, making landfill art with empty LaCroix cans and wondering if I can deduct “emotional garbage trauma” on my taxes.
