Batters strike out. Basketball players throw up bricks routinely. Hockey players fan on shots — also routinely.
But outside of a Peanuts cartoon, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a kicker miss a kick. We’re not talking about a Scott Norwood “wide right,” or even a Mike Vanderjagt “idiot kicker” miss. We’re talking about missing the WHOLE BALL. A whiff for the ages, as it were.
As anyone who watched Monday night’s Patriots-Giants game witnessed, New York’s Younghoe Koo did his best Mark Sanchez impersonation (more on him later). Koo lined up for a field goal that would have catapulted the Giants back into the game. He ran all the way up to the ball, went to kick it, and instead ground his toe into the turf, leaving holder Jamie Gillan to run for his life before being tackled.
I’m not sure what Koo thought he was looking at. The snap was good. The hold seemed all right. Maybe he saw too many Charlie Brown cartoons. That’s got to be it. Instead of seeing punter Gillan with his finger on the point of the ball, Koo must have seen Lucille Van Pelt. You know. Lucy, who routinely pulled up the football just as Charlie Brown was ready to kick it. He must have said to himself, “won’t get fooled again,” just like Pete Townshend, and pulled up.
I could just hear Vince Guaraldi’s “Linus and Lucy” playing in the background, with Schroeder on the piano.
Football is not a sport replete with goofy moments like baseball is. You don’t see too many “Greatest Bloopers in Football History” specials on TV, unless it’s someone running to the wrong end zone or getting tangled up in his own feet. Of course, football, in general, takes itself much too seriously. The word “lighthearted” is not usually associated with football. Google George Carlin’s hilarious comparison between baseball and football for further proof. So when you come across these little gems, you have to appreciate them.
Of course, all sports have removed humor from their vocabularies. Fifty years ago, baseball teams had their share of genuine flakes who made things entertaining, especially if they were on bad teams. In Boston, we had Dick Stuart, who was so bad defensively he once got a “Standing O” for catching a hot dog wrapper that came floating down from the stands. One doubts that Koo will be similarly saluted next week when he lines up for a PAT at MetLife Stadium in New Jersey. Instead, he will be reviled as just another symbol of the Giants’ endless futility (except for 2008 and 2012).
Then again, there’s got to be something about New York teams and the national spotlight. In 2003, a hopelessly intoxicated Joe Namath, being interviewed on the halftime show of a Patriots-Jets game, told the world he wanted to kiss Suzy Kolber.
Then, there’s the all-time goof. Jets QB Sanchez was already having a horrible night when he tried to save a broken play by rushing into the Patriots’ line, colliding with teammate Brandon Moore’s backside (he had just been plowed backward by Vince Wilfork) and fumbling. New England’s Steve Gregory recovered and ran the ball into the end zone.
That became known as the “butt fumble,” perhaps the most notorious NFL blooper of all time.
Of course, this tomfoolery isn’t confined to the players. Once, during a Patriots game, a yellow flag came falling down from the sky. Nobody could figure out why. The referees conferred for what seemed like an eternity, and then one very earnest official came to midfield and announced into the microphone “(Opposing team) penalized 15 yards for unnatural act on the field.”
I think the game was over for at least an hour before I could stop laughing, and stop trying to visualize.
