A question asked by Bonnie Tyler in 1984, and a question I ask today.
Maybe because I was raised on Disney fairytales, I genuinely thought my love life would have fallen neatly into place by now. The bar was set pretty high: Cinderella found her man because she left a shoe behind at a party. Ariel snagged hers without even having a voice. Belle found love in a literal castle with a man who had the emotional intelligence of a brick.
Nobody warned me that real life would hand me men who think “communication” means liking my Instagram story from three days ago.
But instead of a fairytale ending, I am faced with 30-year-old men who are still in very committed, very intense relationships…with their mothers.
Men who proudly announce they live at home because it’s “financially smart,” yet somehow still need her to schedule their dentist appointments. Men who would look at me in absolute horror if I asked them to change my tire, as if I’d just requested a kidney.
So what happened?
Where have all the good men gone?
Now, I’m not looking for Prince Charming. I’m not even looking for Prince Decent. Just someone with a job who brushes their teeth twice a day and owns bedding that didn’t come from their childhood bedroom. You would think that is not a lot to ask for. Right?
Wrong.
In college, romance practically throws itself at you. You’re in this perfect, cozy bubble where everyone is within a two-mile radius, nobody has a real job, and the biggest responsibility in life is passing a group project with people you’ll never see again. Summer flings bloom effortlessly, winter romances grow out of shared hoodies and cheap wine. Everything feels peachy because everyone is equally broke, equally confused, and equally open to something happening.
But after graduation?
It’s like the men take one look at adulthood and collectively decide: No, thank you. Suddenly, they’re afraid of commitment, women, and a restaurant bill. I have seen men experience less emotional distress over a broken bone than they do when the waiter puts the check on the table.
There are plenty of things we could blame: the economy, unrealistic expectations, burnout, and dating apps turning everyone into indecisive little goblins. My standards. Their standards. Maybe low testosterone. Maybe the rise of energy drinks, who knows.
But above all?
I blame the men.
Gentlemen, respectfully, get it together.
Get out there.
Get out of your mother’s house.
Get a hobby that isn’t gaming for eight hours a day.
Brush your teeth without being reminded by a dental professional.
Buy a bedframe. A real one. Not the mattress-on-the-floor aesthetic of a man who gave up in 2019.
Learn to fold a fitted sheet, or at least admit defeat and ball it up neatly.
Own more than two towels.
Text someone back without needing divine intervention.
Walk into a bar, say hello to a woman, have a conversation, and make eye contact. Pretend—for five minutes—that you are not a woodland creature startled by human interaction. And then, ask for her number like it’s the 21st century.
Stop acting like you are the one waiting for Prince Charming to gallop in and rescue you from your own life. Women aren’t auditioning to be your fairy godmother. We’re not here to wave a wand and transform you from an overgrown man-child into someone dateable.
Because good men aren’t gone.
They’re just increasingly difficult to find behind all the noise, excuses, and extended adolescence.
So if you’re a man reading this, consider this your formal wake-up call:
Your story isn’t going to magically happen. True love isn’t going to find you in your childhood bedroom while you’re rage-quitting FIFA. At some point, you have to put on your own boots, stop waiting for the plot twist, and show up for your own life.
And if you’re a woman reading this…Well—solidarity.
May your standards stay high, your patience stay low, and your glass of wine stay full.
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