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Grieving prolonged as funerals denied amid virus concerns
By Steve Krause | April 7, 2020
It is the standard last paragraph that appears in almost every obituary in The Item and elsewhere — the one that provides the logistical information for funeral and burial services.
But these days, obits are missing that crucial paragraph. Due to constraints placed upon the funeral industry in light of the coronavirus crisis, families have had to forgo the traditional wakes, masses, and graveside services. Some have been scaled down radically and some have been postponed indefinitely.
In Monday’s Item, there were seven obituary notices. Six alluded to services, or celebrations of life, to be held at a later date, and one made no mention of it at all.
“This has definitely been trying, I can tell you that,” said J.R. Plourde of Lynn, whose wife, Justine, died of cancer last week at the age of 40. “Being told you can’t have a proper wake, or funeral, is a little overwhelming.”
“It’s awful,” said Madeline Brady, whose husband, Edward, died March 13 at the age of 82. “My husband was a devout Catholic, and there was no Mass. No music. And no flowers.
“There was a graveside service,” she said. “But only 10 people could attend. The priest came, but the whole service lasted about two minutes.
“To be quite honest, it was the worst funeral I ever went to. And it was my husband’s.”
This situation is particularly painful in Plourde’s case because his wife was active in youth sports, and she made a lot of friends from her various volunteer positions.
That has made it even more difficult than something such as this already is, Plourde said.
“We have a lot of family, and a lot of friends. In fact, we consider some of our friends as much a part of or family as our family is.”
Madeline Brady comes from a large family, with a large circle of friends, and few of them were around, in the flesh, to help her mourn.
“It bothered me more than I think it would have bothered Ed,” she said. “I felt we couldn’t give him a proper burial. His family was not allowed to see him. I had a lot of friends and acquaintances calling me, and sending me cards, and telling me they were sad, but I felt very isolated.”
Services at the Solimine Funeral Home for Justine Plourde will be limited to 10 mourners at a time, including J.R. Plourde and his two children.
“It’s very emotional,” he said. “We were told we had to make a list of the people we wanted to come to the funeral home and pay their respects. It was very difficult.
“So, we sat down (Sunday) night at the kitchen table and made our list. It was myself, my mother and my in-laws. We narrowed it down to 31 people who will be able to go and pay their respects. Now, we have to divide the time. We’re not going to be able to be there at the same time. It hurts. It’s unfair. It’s definitely a trying time.”
Brian Field, a Lynn Councilor at Large, who also works at Solimine Funeral Homes, was the one who had to instruct Plourde on the do’s and don’ts of planning funerals in this environment.
“I don’t blame Brian,” Plourde said. “It’s not his fault. He told me that all it would take is one health inspector to see that it was being done against the rules and they could be shut down.
“I guess all you can say is that it is what it is,” he said.
What hurts Plourde even more is the knowledge that between Lynn Youth Hockey (where she was vice president); Wyoma Little League (where she coached for two years), the Lynn Jets high school varsity hockey program (Where J.R. Ploude is an assistant coach), and his 6-year-old daughter’s dance school in Salem (for whom she also volunteered), Justine’s funeral would have been packed with people.
“There were so many people she touched, and in so many ways,” Plourde said.
Now there won’t be a funeral. Instead, when the COVID-19 crisis has either sufficiently subsided or ended, a celebration of her life will take place. He’s not sure what form it will take.
“We’re already talking about what we should do,” he said. “She was a beach person. Every year, once the weather got good, she’d be down at Short Beach in Nahant every weekend, Saturday and Sunday, with our two children. And she’d go until it got too cold.
“So we may end up doing something down there,” he said.
Madeline Brady will also plan a celebration of her husband’s life.
“I really think that’s what he’d prefer anyway,” she said. “But right now, I feel very alone. I feel as if I cheated my husband out of his funeral.”