Sometimes, I like to think that within the Associated Press, there is a Stylebook Enforcement Division. And they have agents that wear sunglasses and carry stamps with red ink that say things like “FIRST OFFENSE: CAPITALIZATION” and “INCORRECT USE OF APOSTROPHE.”
And if this imaginary Associated Press Stylebook Enforcement Division (iAPSED for short) had a courtroom, I’d be a regular.
The AP Stylebook is basically like the journalist’s bible, meaning that it’s really long and nobody should tell my grandma that I haven’t read it all. It’s full of rules pertaining to things like grammar, word choice, and whatever else could stop a writer from creative thought.
For example, you’ll notice in the sentence above I’ve included an Oxford comma (not permitted in AP style). Also not permitted in AP style: spelling out numbers over ten (take that, iAPSED), using a person’s first name on second reference, abbreviating st, ave, or blvd without a numbered address, and having any fun whatsoever.
And against the spirit of AP style (brevity is a pillar), I’m getting away from myself. This whole column comes from a recent conversation I had with two Item reporters who do a lot of our copy editing (undercover iAPSED agents, likely). And that conversation was about something that I do not care to imagine a life without: the parenthesis.
According to the 57th edition of the AP Stylebook (of course there is a new edition every two years), parentheses are “jarring to the reader,” which I personally think is a hilarious description of a punctuation mark, though I’d have to argue inaccurate. I think brackets are way more jarring than parentheses, and those are actually allowed (sparingly).
And I can understand not wanting to cause unnecessary shock to readers. That’s why I didn’t go with my original headline for this column: “HELP! I’M BEING WRONGFULLY PERSECUTED BY THE AP!” But I think calling parentheses jarring is a little bit of an offense to the reader. (I mean, is this really all that shocking to you?).
And like many rules, there are exceptions. You’re allowed to use parentheses around logos in datelines (yay.), but pretty much other than that they should be used “sparingly.” In some cases, I think it’s a capital offense.
For example, the stylebook is pretty firm that parentheses should never be used to insert acronyms. And for the most part, I’m okay with that one. I think if I say Information Technology in one paragraph and IT in the next, people hopefully understand what I’m getting at.
But what, for example, if I wanted to talk about Nixon’s 1972 Committee for the Re-Election of the President? I’m not sure I even have the words to describe what I would be losing without the aptly abbreviated (CREEP) following that.
“The temptation to use parentheses is a clue that a sentence is becoming contorted,” the style guide says. And I know what you’re thinking — this guide is starting to sound a lot like those two old guys from the Muppets.
And this is where I as a writer (if I can call myself that), really fundamentally disagree with AP style. Because I don’t think a contorted sentence is really that bad of a thing — I think it’s actually kind of the opposite.
To me, the value of the parenthesis is mostly stylistic. They create a tone that I think more closely mirrors how people actually think and speak. Not in single straightforward thoughts, but tangents and asides and insertions. In that way, I think they make writing feel more authentic. More human.
When I use parentheses, it’s a visual cue. Those cute little curved marks are a sign that what I’m saying here is my own voice (I’m letting you into the dark corners of my mind here). It’s about establishing a connection between the writer and the reader.
And we don’t do that a lot in journalism, for some reasons that I think are good and some reasons that I think are not (but we don’t have time to get into all that).
I should probably say, since I’d like to continue to work in journalism for years to come, that I understand why there are rules. I know that sometimes, when Animal wants another drum solo, the Muppets really need those two old guys to be the voice of reason.
I just think that writing is a form of art. Telling a writer to avoid a punctuation is like telling a painter not to use blue (sorry, Picasso). There’s got to be room for creative thought. And that all comes down to trust. I trust the reader not to get “jarred” or confused by my parentheses. And I have to ask for the same trust, that if given the power to use them, I won’t abuse it (as I already have 15 times in this column).
So, the next time you catch me skirting the stylebook, please (please), don’t tell the iAPSED. Because I can’t afford to pay the fines, and I’m too busy writing with parentheses to go to jail.
